Cheshvan, depression

Joy and happiness in Judaism are when our soul feels a connection to its source, to the Creator. Unfortunately, we don’t always feel this connection.

A new month has begun, MarCheshvan—bitter, dark, depressing, without a single holiday (except for those lucky enough to be born in it, like me😉). So, let’s talk, despite it all, about joy and what prevents us from experiencing it. And let’s approach it from the opposite direction: from depression.

In the past, depression was rarely discussed in lectures on family relationships or parenting. We expect that once we get married or have a child, happiness will immediately follow.

And joy too—every day, with the same intensity. For some, including me, happiness didn’t come. At least not immediately. And besides the difficulty of its absence, there was the disappointment and the feeling that I had been deceived.

I thought: “Ah, so this is what you meant by ‘marriage is hard work,’ ‘emigration is a challenge’? Why did no one say that postpartum life could be so much worse than before? And men, are they from the moon?”

In general, to survive and start thriving, I needed to push off from the bottom, as Rabbanit Gitty Itachova wisely noted, and swim in the right direction.

What helped me?

1. Time management.
   For me, it was like a lighthouse in a stormy sea. Gleb Arkhangelsky (the book Time Drive), Marla Cilley (FlyLady), the Jewish five-step system, Yana Frank and her time management for creative people, Natalia Odegov (One Day, One Step community), and Alyona Moroz (Getting Things Done with Kids project). You can read more about this in my blog, but today we’ll discuss specific steps to take as you push off from the bottom.
2. Seek help!
   From a rabbi, your kallah teacher, a psychologist (therapist, psychiatrist—you might even need antidepressants). Don’t wait any longer. Call them, send an email, a text, reach out in any way you can!
3. Books on overcoming challenges.
   For the most part, these were biographies of Jews who kept their faith under unbearably difficult conditions—in the USSR, the Gulag, during World War II, in concentration camps. But not only Jews. For example, the autobiographical novel White on Black by Ruben David Gonzalez Gallego, or the biography of Mary Kay, the founder of her own cosmetics brand. And many, many more.
4. Communities of like-minded people and friends, family, and loved ones. Even when we don’t agree on everything.
5. Surround yourself with things you love. Music, books, photos, paintings, and items that feel pleasant to the touch.
6. Go for walks and move—swim, do Pilates, Zumba, anything. Just dance at home to music or jump around with your kids.

Remember, you are NOT ALONE!